Our future needs me to say this, say it aloud so that maybe you’ll absorb it. In my mind, there’s a multitude of wants I have for our future, a million goals, dreams and hopes.
There’s things I know that you’re capable of, things I know you could achieve – if only you’d let yourself.
You see, I’ve become more aware than anyone recently that there’s only YOU holding yourself back. You’re the only one who puts obstacles in your way, the only one who doesn’t seem to care enough to put in the effort.
I know it’s not that! You just don’t seem to be able to prioritise yourself. You put everyone and everything above what you need to do for yourself.
It’s time you stop it.
It’s time you learn just what I want for you! What OUR future should look like.
Firstly, I want you to love yourself. For every flaw, for every weakness, I want you to see the beauty that lies therein. You are the one person who puts you down – and you do it endlessly. You think you’re rubbish. You think you’re useless…but the only person making you feel this way is you! You judge yourself endlessly, pressurise yourself to be perfect. It isn’t healthy, it isn’t helpful. There are undoubtedly personality traits you no longer have control of changing, it’s time to accept that this is you. It’s time to love the person that you are. Yes, you lack organisation. Yes, you’re emotional, sentimental and far too empathetic but you’re poisoning the worth in who you are. Those traits that you view as negative – they could be beautiful if you’d only allow yourself to see. Empathy is rare, a skill some are quick to lack. It takes courage and bravery to show emotion, not to be afraid of showing your feelings. Some may view this as weak, I see the strength in not trying to disguise what your heart feels, what your mind thinks. It’s time to cherish you and all that you are.
It appears you’ve reached the point where you’ve become to believe you don’t deserve the best. It’s almost as though you’ve lost that respect for yourself. I’ve watched you accept poor treatment, allow others to hurt you because you seem to think it’s your fault. Actually, it is! It’s your fault for not recognising that you don’t deserve it. You can’t demand the love and respect of others if you set the precedent that you’re not worth it. I need you to know that you do deserve the best – you, of all people, need to know this.
You’re selfless and happy to let others place their needs above your own. You strive to please people, even at the deterement of your own happiness. It’s not working out for you – in our future, you must accept that your happiness is vital. You let guilt override decisions to do things you want to do. I’ve heard you apologise to too many people for things you’ve no reason to feel sorry for, things people should be pushing you to do. I fear you’ll start to resent those who you’ve let overrule you. This isn’t fair – it was you who showed them that it was acceptable to do so!
You’ve come to believe that failure is all you’re capable of. It’s almost as though you expect to fall long before you do. Can’t you see that this is the problem? Success is there, it’s waiting for you to want it. Yes, people may not be willing you. Yes, people are also waiting to see you fail. Why? Because you’ve told them to expect it, you’ve demonstrated that there’s no use in encouraging you to achieve. I’d tell you to make them listen, to show them that you are in control but this feels pointless until you’re ready to listen yourself, until you’re ready to believe in your own abilities.
You spend so much time fretting that you’ll be exposed for the mess that you are. Everyday, you worry someone will eventually realise you’re a terrible Mother, a useless friend, a fake and a fraud. Stop worrying – people can’t see what isn’t there. It’s time you gave yourself some credit, cut yourself some slack. Yes, there are ways in which you could be better. Stop wallowing and start working towards making yourself better.
Look – I’m telling you to stop it!
Stop thinking you’re useless, stop putting yourself down. Stop believing your worth isn’t as important as others!
Those wants I have for our future – I need you to want them too!